Published On: December 15, 2025Categories: Blog, Uncategorized827 words3.1 min read

Home for the Holidays (+6 Tips for Handling Traumatic Memories)

December 15, 2025

Our kitchen and laundry room are being renovated due to water damage, so we decided to move in with my parents during the construction. Which is taking about two months. And my parents’ house is the same house where I have the last memories of my attacker. It’s the last place I saw him. And we’re staying in the basement where he stayed every time he and my aunt came into town.

I knew before moving in with my parents that we would be in the basement. I knew we would have the same room he slept in as a place to sleep. It’s been 18 years since I saw him. Since he stayed with my aunt in my parents’ basement. 18 years, and I can still feel his presence. But he doesn’t haunt me anymore. Because I don’t let him.

I also knew before moving in that I wouldn’t be able to sleep in the room he slept in. That even though it’s a different mattress and different sheets, it’s still the same room. My daughter’s crib is in that room, and she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. I bring her out to sleep with me. On a bed just outside her door. A place I can sleep soundly.

It’s always hard to have memories of him. But he was in my life for so long, it’s inevitable. I remember the first time my aunt brought him around. I was eight. I remember countless Christmases and birthdays. Vacations. Dinners and snowball fights. I remember him playing basketball with my dad outside all three of the houses my parents lived in while he was in our lives. And I’m lucky my parents have moved since the attack. Otherwise, I might never be able to go back to their house ever again.

As life would have it, we are staying with my parents for all of November and part of December. And I was attacked on Christmas Eve when I was 14. So the holidays are tough. Before I uncovered my repressed trauma, I would feel crazy and suicidal every Christmas without knowing why. At least now I know.

But this year, as we stay in the basement my attacker stayed in, preparing for the same holiday it happened on, I find that it can no longer affect me. It no longer has power over me.

I have faced my fears. I continue to work with my shadow self to give her what she needs. I continue to work on my entire self in an attempt to feel reborn. To feel whole. And I continue to make new memories. Ones that don’t involve him. Ones that honor my past self and all she had to endure. Ones that I will joyfully carry with me for the rest of my life.

So during this holiday season, if you struggle with memories that haunt you, here are some things you can do:

Journal. Journaling is your place to vent. It’s a best friend. A therapist. A safe space you always have that is just for you. Whether you take five minutes or more, seek to journal every day. To hear yourself on the page. Especially during difficult times. It will ground you.
Reflect. After you write, reflect on what you wrote and learn about yourself. Be objective. Investigate. Track patterns and trends and truly seek to understand all parts of yourself.
Acknowledge your pain. Our pain needs to be acknowledged before we can let it go. Otherwise it stays with us. Haunting us and begging to be seen. If your pain is speaking loudly, it’s wise to find a professional to help you process your thoughts and feelings.
Meditate. Meditation may take a while to get the hang of, but start slow and build your confidence. For me, meditation is all about breathing and letting go of my thoughts. Acknowledging them as they come and then letting my breath wash them away. You can even keep a journal beside you to record what comes up. Set a timer, focus on your breath and quiet your mind.
Go for nature walks. Nature walks clear my head in a way few things can. Whatever the weather, get outside and breathe some fresh air. It will do your soul wonders.
Do what brings you joy. This is always important, but it is especially important during the holidays. With so many things to do, take time to yourself. Knit, color, play video games, do what it is you do that brings you joy. And strive to make time for it every day.