CPTSD, OCD, SPD, and Trauma: Tolerating Discomfort (+ 5 Tips)

My husband was upset with me on Easter. A holiday that isn’t always easy. And I was struggling to sit with myself while he was upset with me. It was too uncomfortable. 

I tried to make it better. I hugged him and apologized, but I could tell he wasn’t ready to let it go. And the flood of feeling like I’d done something wrong overpowered me. And I had to figure out how to adjust to my discomfort. 

First, I went for a walk. It was a nice day anyway. Then, I made some banana bread. I was planning on making it anyway. And as I was walking and baking, it occurred to me that I was doing a good job of tolerating the discomfort of having him mad at me. 

I wasn’t beating myself up. Punishing myself further. I wasn’t demanding he forgive me as I may have done in the past. Putting my feelings in front of his. And making him feel like he’s not allowed to have any. 

This time, I realized what was happening, and I let it happen. I surrendered to it. I gave into it. And I found comfort in my discomfort. 

So if you struggle with discomfort, here are some tips for letting go and embracing it:

1. Realize things aren’t perfect. Ever. Life is messy and things won’t always go exactly as planned and that’s okay.
2. Move. When you begin to notice the telltale signs of being uncomfortable, move your body. Walk, stretch, dance. Move. Let the discomfort pass through you. Energetically let it pass. 
3. Distract yourself. Whether it’s working or doing household chores, do something that takes your mind off of your discomfort. Just like with a child, distracting us from our pain takes us out of it. You can even blow on your fingers if you’re looking for a simple trick. Trust me, it works in a pinch. 
4. Write. Grab your phone or a piece of paper and write about how the discomfort makes you feel. Write until you’ve gotten it all out. You will feel better after having acknowledged your pain on the page. 
5. Do something that brings you joy. Find something you can do in the moment that will bring you joy. It goes beyond a distraction and is something you love. Like me making banana bread. You can even keep it simple and eat a piece of chocolate or listen to your favorite song. Whatever you do, let the joy pour in. 

However you manage your discomfort, remember that it too will pass. You will move past it. And most of all, know that you will only be okay when you let yourself be okay. When you are okay no matter what. And can embrace everything. Even all your discomfort. 

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Photo by Deric on Unsplash