Bringing Joy Back to Christmas (Plus 6 Tips)

Our daughter is 11 months old, and this will be her first Christmas. Considering I haven’t really celebrated Christmas since I uncovered my repressed trauma in 2018, everything feels new for me. And I’m feeling the joy of Christmas once again.

I put up a tree for the first time in over five years. I bought new ornaments. I decided I would start the tradition of getting my daughter a new ornament every year, so I bought her a Christmas Hello Kitty for her first one. Looking at it brings me joy. 

We bought stockings for the first time in our 14 years together. With our daughter’s stocking nestled in the middle, our three hang with the promise to be filled Christmas morning. A morning I haven’t been excited for in almost 30 years.

My trauma happened on Christmas Eve when I was 14. So every Christmas following that was a struggle for my sanity. I would enter into fight-or-flight instantly as my attacker stayed at my parents’ house every Christmas season. For weeks, I had to see him every day. I had to go to sleep at night with the fear it could happen again. 

This put my nervous system into overdrive. Caused me to feel suicidal. Unsafe. And like the most wonderful time of the year was the worst time for me. 

Considering my trauma was repressed until I was 37, I spent 23 years feeling this way. Wanting my life to end every Christmas, and never knowing why.

Since my repressed trauma has surfaced, I have been in trauma recovery. It took me five years to celebrate Christmas with my family again, with my attacker out of the picture, but my heart wasn’t fully in it until this year. 

This year, as we begin the celebration of my daughter’s first Christmas season, I feel the joy. I know how lucky I am that I get to see Christmas through her eyes. A blessing I could never have guessed would come my way, but one I welcome with joy. So even when the old anger creeps its way into my body, I am committed to choosing joy.

If you are like me and Christmas is a struggle, here are some ways to find the joy again: 

1. Practice self-care. During the holidays, especially, it is important to practice self-care. To take time to do the things that make you feel calm and peaceful. To do the things that bring you joy. 
2. Start new traditions. During the years I wasn’t seeing my family for Christmas, my husband and I started new traditions. We watched non-Christmas movies, baked apple pies and ate croissants. Traditions we will carry on with our daughter here. 
3. Only do what’s important for you. Don’t feel like you have to meet the expectations of others. Do what you want. And only what you want. 
4. See people you want to see. For me this means seeing my friends. Especially my friends I’ve had since I was 14. The ones who have been by my side through everything. 
5. Give back. Giving back always feels good, but I like to give especially around the holidays when everyone deserves something extra special. 
6. Allow the magic in. Before my daughter was born, this meant laughing with my husband, going for walks and appreciating nature. Letting the small things bring me joy. Now that my daughter is here, the magic of Christmas is overflowing. And I’m making it a point to take in every single drop. 

Whatever the holidays mean to you, may you find the joy, even if only for yourself, and hold onto it into the next year. 

Happy Holidays everyone!  

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Photo by Brett Sayles